Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Ready keeeeeeeeeeee tuuuuuuuuu

I only have few days left until my registration date which will be the next Monday. Yes it will be held on the National Day. All documents have been prepared and arranged and not to forget I already put them in one special bag..just for the oh-a-bunch of a lot of  files together with the certificates. The clothes have been folded and I'm just waiting the right time to put them in the luggage as there are still a number of clothes that I haven't wash yet. (blame me for being so busy ehyeke busy -___-)

I know I supposed to feel excited, happy, having high self-confident, grateful and blessed and everything but  unfortunately those feelings hasn't come yet..sadly. They did come but that was like two weeks ago the moment the result was released. Right now, I feel quite anxious, nervous, low self-confidence, a little bit stress, a little bit moody, a little bit I-don't wanna do this- and you name all those negative emotions. Not really emotion..but maybe yes emotion and thinking.  

So I went back to my hometown few days ago attending my cousin's wedding and I met almost all my relatives and it was really good to see them. Because I haven't seen them for quite a time and they were asking me what I did now, have I finished my diploma study and what are my plan after this. I told them I will be pursuing my studies for another 4 years and they gave me those wow-four-years-that-was-really-really-long-because-you-already-took-the-diploma-so-why face..

They were asking me WHY...and I was like (in my mind) what is wrong with four years? I'm just 21 for my own sake. I don't know. Maybe they are afraid that I'll get married late because if I'm still alive for the next 5 years, I will be 26 and maybe at such age I would be married. They also asked me why I didn't took the same course and I told them everything. Some of them said it was a waste because I didn't continue learning my diploma course which is pharmacy and I swear it tears my heart to pieces...more than everything. T___T

I had low self-confidence after that. I kept thinking whether is it really a waste for me to learn another course for four years? They want me to get married early? They want me to finish study early so I can get married early? Why is that they didn't and never ask me whether I'm ready for such stage which carries a very huge responsibilities because once I'm married, I have to prepare myself to become a mother and just so you know, raising another human isn't an easy task. It is a lifelong process.

 But if Allah already set that I will marry early, never in my mind I would push that..Who doesn't want to get married early/at this age with a stable life?? Kan?!!! But only if.. And then, even if I'm ready, do you think my other half would be ready too? He needs to have a stable life too battling with the unstable economy currently and having to juggle everything at once at my age and at his age is not easy. If only you guys could understand...this is one of the reason why I didn't feel excited for my registration date.

 So I told him this and he did advice me with a very long message. Some of his words that I have to share were this :

1) It is not a waste for you to learn another course for another four years.. Menuntut ilmu adalah wajib. Apa-apa ilmu sekalipun. Untuk ambil kos yang sama, tanya diri sendiri sanggup atau tak untuk satu lagi usaha yang tidak ada kepastian.

2) About getting married.. no matter how early we plan, we must not forget that Allah is the one who makes everything possible. If Allah set that you will marry before you finish your studies, then you can't change that but to accept it. If Allah set that you will marry at the age of 34 or at any age, you have to accept that too. We plan but we must not forget that Allah has HIS plans too. HIS plans are better than us because HE knows everything..

3) Jangan dengar cakap orang. Ni jalan yang Allah dah tetapkan. Usaha, Istiqamah, Doa, Tawakal. 

4) Banyak pengajaran, pengalaman dan ilmu akan didapati di sana. 

5) Make your parents dream and your dream come true first. Don't waste this chance to learn another course just because you listen to some words that brings you down. 

6) Jangan terlalu fikir apa orang cakap dan apa orang nak. Just be yourself. 

7) Buat apa yang nak dibuat dulu, baru fikir hal lain.

For me actually since I wrote the previous post about this on July or June, this is okay and I already accept the fact that I can't continue to learn pharmacy because I already learned that for three years. I feel satisfied because not only I learned the theory...

I went to practical for a year and I feel happy that I learned almost everything that I want to know and that I have this a little bit of the medicines' knowledge like the pharmacy system/store/every drug sections/drugs' classification/the calculation and every single thing that I've been questioning about drugs and medicines. I love pharmacy so much. More than other course.

But I also love Biology and there hasn't any level that differ these two courses. 50-50 for these two. Right now, for this degree course is something that I love since I was in secondary school- Biology. So I guess it is okay for me to learn two things because I love both course. As for the u's itself, my parents are the happiest person on earth and I wouldn't trade anything for that. Even if I'm not so passionate about this course, I mean ONLY IF I'M NOT  but if my parents are happy with this offer I would study this just for them.

I'm just 21 and I want to do what I want to do before I have to commit with the non-stop commitment. (if u know what I mean)

Ok so the last thing is..does having a boyfriend makes you want to marry early? The answer is yes and no. Yes because who doesn't want to be together with your other half for the rest of your life? Yes because I did thought of the theme and the wedding dress and everything once I flipped through the magazines and the moment I scrolled my news feed and seeing my seniors and my friends who are at my age or older a year than me being a bride. Yes a young bride..Yes because you feel like want to do things that only married couples can do like touching each other without having to think the sin because you both already halal each other. 

WHY NO? No because I didn't achieve my dream yet. No because I'm not ready to carry the responsibilities. No because it took a lot of things that needs to be prepare like money, house and ourself itself must be filled with a good religion's knowledge and other things.. No because I didn't marry early to just for fun. No because I haven't fulfill my parents' dream yet. No because I have lots of things to do for example ; study and working on my own. No because I have to pass my parents' test and it is not easy. It's like having thousands of questions to answer. As much as I want to marry early, I realized it took a lot of things to be prepared...So I said no and having a boyfriend at this age doesn't mean you WILL be a young bride. Tak semestinya. 


I thank you if you succeed on reading this entry. I haven't been on myself for the past few days which is something rare but I'm slowly recovering currently.. I apologize if you find that this entry was a little bit stress or it causes you to feel that I'm angry or moody or stress because that are just how myself now.

 My mind are filled with this sort of negative emotions and I hope I can move them out of my head. I hope you get something from this entry. 

I just want to stress that don't question what some people had choose to do with their life. You don't know what they have been through or how hard it was for them to get things that they have now. It took them for years (like me) to receive such offer at such u..I did this for my parents and for myself.

Don't be so negative. Don't show your reactions that might brings them down.. Their choice is what Allah has already set for them. And every single thing that they choose, if Allah wills that means it is the best for them. 

Kalau ALLAH izinkan, maknanya itu yang terbaik.

Dalam pada ALLAH izinkan, tak bermakna perjalanan hidupnya akan menjadi mudah dan gembira.

Hamba itu pasti akan diuji dengan berbagai-bagai ujian dan dugaan.

Naik turun kehidupan, bahagia dan gembira, semuanya dengan satu matlamat.....---->>>

Untuk kembali kepada-NYA.



Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Enam perkara

Bersihnya hati seseorang itu terletak kepada enam perkara :

1- Tilawah Al-Quran dan tadabbur. 

2- Banyak mengosongkan perut berlapar. Buktinya Al-Quran kerap dibacakan ketika Ramadhan walaupun perut sedang berlapar.

3- Bangun di sepertiga malam dan biasakan berwuduk sebelum tidur kerana wuduk itu membangkitkan semangat kita untuk beribadat kepada Allah SWT.

4- Solat sunat fajar dua rakaat itu lebih utama dari mendapat dunia dan seluruh isinya.

5- Selalu duduk dengan orang soleh. Cukup dengan mencari orang baik yang menjaga lisannya, yang sering duduk dalam masjid, sering berzikir dan sebagainya.

6- Makan dari sumber yang halal. Sumber makanan yang baik akan menjadikan hati yang baik. Dalam makanan yang haram ibarat najis. Sedangkan pakaian yang bernajis boleh buat ibadat kita ditolak, inikan pula darah daging kita yang bernajis kerana makan dari sumber yang haram. 


Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Hai Penang :)

I love Penang.. See you in two weeks insyaAllah dear Penang! :)

*stress siapkan dokumen99999 pastu bantai tengok movie Battleship jap padahal banyak lagi kerja kena buat (-________________________-)""

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

11 Ogos(result) :)


The last time I ever felt that nervous was 3 years ago.. That time I was waiting to check the result on UPU.. Still UniKL wasn't my choice at the first place.. I sent the documents because my mom told me to do so.. Because she said, who knows I might get the place to be part of UniKL.. And she was right.. The power of mom's prayer has beated everything.. I get the offer to do pharmacy in UniKL and that's where I found myself to love this course more than any other course that I thought I was in love at.. It is hard to find what suits me at that time because I received many opinions regarding what course suits me or which course suits me better.. Some said I'm good in Mathematics, some said I'm good in Science and some even encouraged me to be a teacher.. Honestly, being a teacher was my ambition back in 2006 until 2011.. But it seems like I manage to understand things and saw the effort that comes from my mom and my grandfather who didn't really wanted me to become a teacher.. Because they said it was tiring.. At that time I questioned their reactions because my mom itself is a teacher and my grandfather used to be a headmaster so they should stress me on becoming a teacher.. But maybe they know the real 'tiring' workloads of becoming such but what I see in my life now, working is tiring.. No matter what your job is, it is tiring and it should be tiring :) Being a jobless is also tiring you know haha

So I had this nervous and other unwanted feelings for a couple of days before the result is released. It was tiring to feel this.. Because it affects me in so many ways haha.. I even lost my appetite for a while because I think too much about the result.. The panic got even worse on one day before the day that is Sunday, 10 August. I had insomnia, stomach ache, and overthinking phase which causes me to feel panic even more.. But after that I did eat like I usually do hehe.. To add more, I opened the U's facebook which they had all this updates and countdown pictures which gave me all these goosebumps on my neck.. It was exciting to read all the candidates comments and knowing the fact that they were also as nervous as I am haha.. Some said they had insomnia and some even asked whether they could die because of the heart beated too fast.. This comment wins..

It was Tuesday and that means the day has come.. I only had two hours of sleeping and I woke up like a zombie.. After sending my mother, I can't even sleep in the morning.. I mean, I thought I would feel tired and that I need to have some sleep to replace my sleepless night but no.. It isn't happened.. I just happened to eat breakfast like a king, did the laundry and making myself tired because I confidently thought maybe this way would prevent me from overthink and had all this nervous feelings to at least disappeared for a while.. It works but only for a minute.. 12.00noon..So the time has come and I opened the website through my mobile phone at 12.03p.m..I told myself to stay calm and accept whatever result that might come out.. And... Alhamdulillah I got the place :D Yeayyy I manage to become a part of the U's family :D I am so grateful for this chance and that I am selected.. This has been my dream since I was 18 and Alhamdulillah Allah give me chances to feel all this.. Trust HIS plans and everything will be ok :'D:'D.   I was just too happy at that time that I screamed and can't believe that I have the chance to be one of the students :D Later I called my mom and my father and then I told him and my friends.. My parents were the happiest person at that time.. I had this good feeling of "Yes finally I can make you both happy and proud with me" :'DDDD It was the best feeling ever to see your parents happy because of you... It is just something that money can't buy :'D

I'll be leaving on this 31st August and will certainly will have to get through the orientation day(s). My blog will surely not going to be as active as how it used to.. :D

Hai mama abah.. Nanti mesti rindu nak balik selalu.. Nak duduk rumah takde kerja apa2.. Nak keluar jalan2 time weekend.. Nak makan sedap2 mama masak.. Nak cerita macam2 dengan abah bila abah balik kerja.. Nak tunggu abah depan pintu pastu berdiri belakang pintu kejutkan abah time abah balik kerja... :( (huwaaaa)

Hai arukas.. I might leave after this but.. Remember that I'll always bring "you" and "us" too kat sana and everywhere I go :D We will get through this..

Pray for me.. Assalamualaikum :)

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Ayat Murah Rezeki.

Selain itu,

2- Solat dhuha

3- Bersedekah