Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Dunia tempat berpenat-penat.



Kelas pukul 8 pagi so kau kena bangun pagi pukul 6 untuk solat Subuh. Kemudian bersiap dan ke kelas. Menuntut ilmu. Another hours kau kena survive untuk belajar kemudian jam 5 lah biasanya, biasanya lah kelas habis. Tu belum masuk yang ada extra class ke apa. Yang ada kelas malam tambah lagi satu. Penat kan?

In between those hectic schedule tu kau kena menjalankan tanggungjawab kau sebagai hamba Allah jugak. Iaitu solat. Aku pernah tau rasa malas gila nak solat. Kadang2 aku rasa better aku harung je few hours kat kelas then later la solat..teruk kan? Tapi tak pernah aku buat walaupun pernah rasa macam tu sebab rasa tak tenang. Rehat biasanya dari pukul 1 sampai 2 so dalam masa tu pergi solat. On the way nak pergi solat tu Ya Allah banyaknya dugaan.. malasnya, penatnya..tapi bila air wuduk kena dekat muka, fresh je rasa. So masa rest tu la aku solat. Bila solat hati tenang. Kemudian masuk kelas balik. It was these classes la yang memenatkan. And not the prayers. Prayers tu yang membantu badan kita rehat. Every movements, rukuk, sujud tu semua membantu meregangkan otot2 kita yang dah penat duduk masa belajar. Yelah takkan ko belajar berdiri pulak kan..Tapi..anyway penat kan?

Then balik je rumah/hostel maybe kau sampai dalam pukul 8 malam ke or tak kisah la pukul berapa pun yang penting lepas kau dah mengharungi kelas seharian kau mesti balik rumah la kan. Pastu balik bukan duduk rehat. Maybe ada test or esaimen or kuiz yang kau kena get prepared untuk esoknya or the next upcoming week ke..So kat situ kau dah kena study lagi.. Tak cukup dengan yang di kelas, balik rumah kena buat additional things lagi.... Penat kan?

Tak masuk dengan yang hujung minggu kena korbankan waktu2 emas pergi berjalan or release stress lagi. Kau nak balik rumah pun fikir dua kali sebab banyak kerja tak siap. Kalau nak listkan semua benda yang memenatkan, aku rasa sampai habis pun takkan pernah cukup page ni. Tapi cukuplah aku share pengalaman belajar yang aku rasa semua orang dah/sedang melaluinya. Memang penat kan?



Pernah dengar ayat 'Dunia memang tempat berpenat-penat"?    Ya, dunia memang tempat kita semua berpenat-penat untuk dapat kehidupan yang lebih baik kat 'sana' :)

Perasan tak semua yang kita hadapi macam belajar, masalah, penat semua2 lah adalah ujian untuk kita? Ujian yang membuatkan kita cari Allah balik untuk kita mengadu semua tu pada Dia. Memang betul dunia ni tempat berpenat-penat. Menuntut ilmu pun satu jihad :)

Bila kita penat, kita cari Dia. Allah suka kita cari Dia. Allah suka kita mengadu pada Dia. Takde limit. Sebab Allah selalu ada untuk kita :) No worries bila kau mengadu pada Allah, kau boleh cerita semuanya dan kau boleh rasa Allah tu ada.. dan semestinya kau akan rasa tenang :) Allah tahu setiap inci walau sebesar zarah masalah kau, tapi Allah tetap nak kau cerita, cari Dia mengadu segalanya.... Because that is what our soul are created for  :)

So, the next time kalau kau rasa, 'I can't take this anymore' 'penatnyaa belajar' 'I quit'...

Tanamkan ayat ni..

"Dunia memang tempat berpenat-penat..Sabar wahai diri..Sikit je ni, kau boleh!"

Surah Al-Baqarah. Ayat 153.

"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Mohonlah pertolongan dengan sabar dan shalat; sesungguhnya Allah adalah beserta orang-orang yang sabar."

Sunday, May 17, 2015

To the king of my heart.

He's one of a kind. I trust him in everything he did.. He worked so hard for the five of us. No matter how much it costs for things he did, I count every single of them. Because it's the little things that matter the most.

I could write hundreds pages of your kindness and that would never be enough because there are just..too many to be said..

Happy 53th birthday Abah..
I will always be right here for you..
I took almost 95% of your personality and the way you worked things out, the way you think and that's why we have some quite strong chemistry kan.. :)
If anyone ever asked me to describe myself, I would happily said "I stole almost all my father's traits.." :D

I love you abah!

Sunday, May 10, 2015

When people asked what are your plans for the future


There's only one week left for practical and I don't know how to react to it. I am happy realizing the fact that I finally succeed in completing my 3 years studies as a diploma student and the fact that I managed to learn a course that I love so much. I have a full passion for this course and I never regret the fact that I spent 3 years for this :) I don't know if I get to learn this again for my degree programme and hence I am so grateful for this opportunities Alhamdulillah :)

Kadang-kadang apa yang kita rancang dulunya untuk masa hadapan (which is now) adalah yang terbaik and we want it to happen sebab kita tahu itu yang terbaik bagi diri kita. Tapi, kita sebenarnya tak tahu apa yang sebenarnya ada di hadapan and things that might blocks you from making it to happen. And that's  the thing that is happening to me now. I never knew this would happen.. Like for the first time in my life, I never thought I will have this second thoughts together with the second choices yang mana actually these choices I choose to put them last masa dulu2 plan for future. But now, this last choice la yang seems the right thing for me to do and kena dengan masa sekarang. I don't know how to react or how to feel about it because I don't know if this choices will be the right one for me. Other people's life seems so happy yet so easy but we never knew the real stories behind it.

Lagi satu, I used to think my life would be happy without problems. Some problems are okay but not the big problems. I thought life will be easier as I grew but no. Mana ada hidup tak ada masalah and you can't predict anything. Not at all.

Another thing is, I wish I have the strength to face some problems in my life. I've learned not to tell people but only with the right one where I know they would keep me stay up motivated in facing all these. Again, never in my mind I would have to face all this. Things used to be so happy but now all I see is just... I don't know how to describe. Too many things happened in one time. But I'm all grateful to have Him for me to pour my problems out, him who's always there for me through thick and thin, and my friends who keep me happy and listened to almost all my problems.

At the end of the day, you know this is life. It doesn't go the way you planned, but it goes the way Allah's plans. And all you have to do is follow the flow and be strong to whatever obstacles that might tests you in front. And I know I have to be strong for myself.

All the best for your future, dear self :) 


Friday, May 8, 2015

Listen or talk?

I would prefer to listen. I'm not a good talker, I mean I have this weird part of me that didn't like to talk. Used to la but now dah normal hehe. When I was in the school few years back, I had always received the "Physically if people dont know you, then they would assume you're a shy girl bcs I dont see you talk that much.." Because I dont talk that much..See and I dont really mind if people said Im a shy girl because it was me who put the gap between me and other people. It was quite hard for me to start the conversation, to start talking to people and usually I would wait for them to ask me. When actually sometimes, it was me who wanted to meet them. Weird kan ko nak jumpa org then org yg kena tanya ko dulu ape ko nak? Haha patutnya diri sendiri la start telling what do you want from them and the reason you meet them.

But that was before. I learned better now in university life and this is the biggest thing that changed me :) Self-confidence gained better, I can already start the conversation and asked people first, I can mixed and know how to blend with people although sometimes I feel awkward but I try to make as comfortable as it should be. I know this might sound ordinary to most of you but for me, this makes a huge difference in my life :)

Anddd yes I think a lot. Some people may not believe me when I say I think a lot like... Reaaaaally.. That much ke? Yes! :D

I love to think but I don't always voice out my thoughts. Only if I feel that it is important, then that is the time where I feel ok this is right and I know I have to tell people about this and this. I love making my own thoughts and think it deeply before I point it out. Maybe that is why people never told me I'm the talkative type :D That explained well why I said this blog is my another side. Because I expressed almost all my thoughts here.. Things that I keep, or things that I find it hard to tell people I usually voice it out here. Maybe just some random posts, stories, memories or some words that brings something to me I'll usually put them here. I love to express them in words, and not pictures. I know picture speaks more but maybe because I love to write and think and I want the moment I re-read them all over again, it gives me those excited or curious feelings about what are the things that will happened next. I use both but more to words :)

This blog pictures so many things to me since 2010. I use my name as my old url for this blog and I just changed it to "amindthatlights" because I find it suits me with the words "mind"  and "lights". Means I think a lot and my mind was like awake alllll the time and so it lights more like a bulb that lights.. Like that la when I think of my url at first :D I blogged them and already deleted some old posts or should I say all posts... Ok that was quite clear bcs I already delete all of them.. :D Got nothing to say anymore hehe! Till next post insyaAllah..

Assalamualaikum :)

Monday, May 4, 2015

Between what you should think or what you should do

As I scrolled down all photos in my albums, I have nothing to feel but so grateful for everything :)  No words can ever describe how I feel at the moment and it is just something that I rarely got to feel. I wish this would stay forever but hey, this is life. It has its ups and downs :) And one more thing, people leave. But for now, lets just be positive and if they even leave, Allah will surely replaced them with someone or something better :)

I used to have a bad thoughts. I mean so much.. Really it was too much. Everytime I read those "something better will come" or "Allah will give you something better in return"  or "good things come to those who wait" I would feel like if all these quotes were true, why I haven't been put in such condition? I keep questioning myself when is my turn to feel all this.. My turn to feel those "something good" or "someone better" is coming or being given to me.. I was an inpatience person inside.. Struggling to know everything till I get depressed and disappointed with myself. I felt like Im such a loser because no matter what I did, none would stay or even appreciate every efforts I did.. It was really hard. Battling between what you should do and what you should not think isn't something easy.. And so, I wait. Im starting to feel like if its really meant to be given to me, maybe that was the time where I already prepared myself or maybe that was the right time for me to receive all those gifts :) And believe me, Allah is All Knowing :) HE knows everything.. More than you will ever know.. HE will SURELY replaced and blessed you with something you will never think of.. Just be patience and positive.. It takes time for the good things to happen :)

Live your life, be happy.. It is okay to break sometimes but never let it conquers you.

Assalamualaikum :)

Friday, May 1, 2015

When the mind conquers, it takes all

Maybe, the real fear is when you can really feel you're about to lose that one person.
Or maybe it was not a true fact.
But oh you know, when the mind conquers, it takes All.

Fear of losing proves how much you love that one person.
How much they mean to you.
And how much you love them so much that you just want them silly- just for yourself.

You get that one fact right,

-I really am afraid to lose you